Vito disappeared on Saturday evening. I found him today.
He did not go gently, with love, me holding him. He was alone and scared and he couldn’t fight back.
I am not asking for, nor do I deserve your condolences. Vito gave me so much and I rewarded him by failing to protect him. He was lost while I was playing a game on the computer when I should have been playing with the dogs. Had I been doing what I should have been doing, Vito would be alive and safe today.
I don’t deserve the light of any dog. This is not the first time this has happened. That it is not the first time means I have no right to have a dog. That is for good people, not ones who cost lives due to negligence. I thought we had safeguards in place but apparently they weren’t good enough. No, the safeguards were good enough, I just let my guard down and this was the result.
To the locals: I can’t talk to you about this so please don’t bring it up. I don’t deserve to say Vito’s name unless it is to beg his forgiveness.
To the Run A Muck Ranch followers: I’m not sure I can come back from this. This blog, the lives of the dogs, none of it is real. That there are 12 remaining dogs is only because I haven’t failed them yet. I don’t think I will be able to write anymore.
To general Social Media: I’m done with it, even the Run A Muck Ranch page, except for Gertie’s page. I won’t shut down her message or her love of meeting people. It’s not her fault I am irresponsible. We will continue to collect hugs as she is able, but once she is done, that’s it. No more social media.
My only job from this day forward is protecting my dogs. A simple thing that I clearly am incapable of. Maybe taking away distractions will help keep the other dogs safe.
I’m so sorry Vito. I would trade places with you if I could. Please be in a better place now. I’m keeping my Keppra alarms so that every day, twice a day, I will be reminded of how I failed you. I’m so sorry baby.