Run A Muck Ranch Newsletter 4/13/14

“Right” No Longer Recognized as a Direction at Run A Muck Ranch

Due to the “All for One and One for All” belief at Run A Muck Ranch,  in solidarity for Hector after the loss of his right eye, the directional definition of the word “Right” will no longer exist.




When referring to the direction opposite left, it shall herein, forever be called ” 180 degree left”, “the other left”, or “that direction that shall not be mentioned”.

Run A Muck Ranch would appreciate it if all world dictionaries would make the appropriate corrections.

Run A Muck Ranch Dogs Prove  Polar Shift is Near!

In the Summer of 2013, a ground breaking study was published in the world-renowned, peer-reviewed journal Frontiers in Zoology.  In the study, it was discovered that dogs align to the North/South axis when relieving themselves.  If you click Here, you too can read the 12 page, double columned journal article, complete with graphs, diagrams, statistical analysis and of course, the ever important photo of a dog relieving himself, with over-layed directional axis.    It is unknown how much in funding was secured for this research.

All research is but a stepping stone to yet more research.  On a much smaller budget, as in no budget at all, Run A Muck Ranch set out to do a duplicate study.  Using the Nim Wits at The Ranch, careful observation was made,  and notes taken,  over the course of several months.  During that time, it was only a chance occurrence that any of the dogs aligned along the North/South axis to perform any excretory  duty.

Franky in the background, preparing for a leg lift, facing west.
Franky in the background, preparing for a leg lift, facing west.  Click photo for larger view.


Same place, a few seconds later; OK, Frankie, Show us North!
Same place, a few seconds later; OK, Frankie, Show us North!


Note the sun hitting the mountains.  This photo taken at sunset, Morty facing East.
Note the sun hitting the mountains. This photo taken at sunset, Morty facing East.


Hector facing mostly east, slighly South.
Hector facing mostly east, slightly South.


Walking North, Slugger aligns east.
Walking North, Slugger aligns east.  Per Crabby.  This was the first and only time I had been to this location, so I can’t get my bearings on the cardinal directions.



According to the Frontiers in Zoology study, electromagnetic interference would cause dogs to mis-align during excreting episodes.   That the dogs of Run A Muck Ranch only occasionally align properly can only mean one thing:

The Polar Shift is Nigh!

You heard it here first, and no taxpayer money was needed to provide the proof.


 Sweet William Completely Off His Prozac!

The end of March marked 3 months since William has been weaned from his Fluoxetine, and so closes that chapter of his life.

Since Willy's environment is one of "no stress"
Fortunately, we make sure Willy’s environment is one of “no stress”.

New Readers are directed to read Why Willy is Medicated to learn why Run A Muck Ranch had to break down and use pharmaceutical assistance to help Willy adjust.   Medication was only a last resort, and even then, it was only ever a temporary ‘assist’ while Run A Muck Ranch worked with Willy to help him overcome some of his problems.

The New and Improved Un-Medicated Willy is still grumpy, but grumpiness runs in the family (he gets if from Crabby’s side).  The most important thing now is, Willy is comfortable in his own skin and his surroundings.  Episodes still exist from time to time, but they’re nothing that can’t be worked through.


New Theory as to Vito’s Origins Come to Light

A few months ago, the world was made aware of a horrifying and extremely dangerous scourge that exists in the Maryvale section of South West Phoenix.  That scourge is packs of wild Chihuahuas roaming the streets and striking fear in the hearts of residents.

For those who believe this to be a story of fiction, here’s the proof:  Click on the link to hear the terrifying, and REAL news story.

Packs of Wild Chihuahuas Roam Maryvale Streets

That the Chihuahuas of Maryvale only relatively recently began to take their ruckus activities into the public eye can only mean one thing:

Vito was the last in a line of  powerful Chihuahua Lords, said lineage enforcing, with a heavy paw, order among the rival Chihuahua gangs of Mayvale.  Vito was probably known as El Loco, until the time a two-bit Chihuahua gang turned on him, in the same spirit as The Rogues murdered gang leader, Cyrus, in the movie, The Warriors.  Where murder was the method in the movie,  the Maryvale Gangs set up a parley with El Loco which was clearly a trap and a date with The Dog Catcher.

Once El Loco was removed from Maryvale, there became and remains, chaos among the Chihuahua gangs.

Given El Loco’s, I mean Vito’s, complete fearlessness when he arrived at The Ranch, more particularly, after surveying the dogs in residence at the time, he decided to immediately go for Sarah’s jugular, it is pretty apparent the boy had some street fighting experience about him.

That, in the nearly 2 years Vito has lived at The Ranch, there have been no reports of Chihuahua packs terrorizing the vicinity can only mean  that El Loco still has the power, and is preventing the Chihuahua gangs from staking territory in the Desert Hills/New River area, north of Phoenix.


Can't you just see the fierceness in his eyes?
Can’t you just see the fierceness in his eyes?


After False Start, Crazy Now in Full Study for Canine Nutrition Certification

After having to play the crazy human card, making herself so annoying, giving her her money back was the only way to get rid of her, Crazy was able to get away from a Canine Nutrition certification “Course” offered by a “School”, said course turning out “Canine Nutrition Certifications” of the kind PetMD warns readers about.

That particular course was nothing more than reading a series of off the shelf books and answering questions, in chronological order as presented by the book,  little more than fill in the blanks.  Given the poorly worded,  repetitive questions, where apparently the writer didn’t know how to use spell check, Crazy began to wonder if perhaps a high school student wrote the ‘course’ as a school project.

Crazy then asked pointed questions of other Schools before deciding on a different program.

Assignment one, though causing a slight implosion of the brain from the math involved, seemed easy enough, and much was learned.

The tears began at assignment 2.

Instead of going up against what appeared to be a high schooler who read a few books, Crazy now has to answer to a degree holder with 2 decades of experience in practical and applied canine nutrition.

The current course does not ask the student to finish the sentence or recite lists as written in books, it demands the student be able to discuss intelligently, whatever subject matter is being studied, said studies from University level text books.

As an additional kicker, all further assignments involve independent study essays to show proficiency in what is learned.  Try doing that while working a day job, caring for 12 canines, 2 equines and 1 man!

It had been Crazy’s intention to finish both the Basic and Advanced Nutrition Courses in 6 months or less.  Turns out, there’s a reason each course has an 18 month  time limit – it may very well take that long to finish!

All that whining aside, in just 1 week, in just 1 assignment, and the preliminary reading for the second one, Crazy has only this to say about the course:  “Wow!”.

Fingers crossed that Crazy does well in the Basic course, and is then able to finish the Advanced course in good standing.   There is so much to learn and share.


A Sincere and Heartfelt Thank You to Sisu Beads from Run A Muck Ranch

Several months ago, Run A Muck Ranch did a pretty pathetic Product Review of Sisu Beads Memoral Keepsakes.  At the time the review was written, it had been our hope we would not be in personal contact with Sisu Beads for a very long time.

With the passing of our Forever Loved and Treasured Maude, that tearful contact was made much too soon.

After ordering our Memorial Bead, we received a package with ash collection instructions and a return envelope.   Yes, there were yet more tears, but the process was very easy.


I smile now when I think of Maude.  We are so blessed to have been in her life, and that she will always be a part of ours.
I smile now when I think of Maude. We are so blessed to have been in her life, and that she will always be a part of ours.


Shortly after sending a portion of Maude’s ashes to Sisu Beads, we received the most beautiful memorial bead, made from some of our Maude’s ashes.   The ashes not needed were also returned to us.

We can’t get a picture that does justice for the beautiful bead we received, and I won’t post a bad one.  Just know, it means a lot to us.

The excess ashes were buried with the rest of Maude’s ashes, next to her sister Stella.  The bead is too precious to wear, so it hangs, safely out of reach of The Hoard, in the bedroom, where Maude spent her days ruling over her  minions known as The Bedroom Dogs.

Gina and Julie from Sisu Beads, ‘Thank you’  just doesn’t seem enough to say.

Please visit Sisu Beads Memorial Keepsakes at

18 thoughts on “Run A Muck Ranch Newsletter 4/13/14

  1. Glad all are doing well…and that you are appropriately tortured by a reputable school. The beads are a wonderful way to remember someone loved. Thank you for sharing that.

    1. Fortunately, the study was done in Europe, so no US tax dollars, or so I hope, was involved. That we have proven the Polar Shift is coming, golly, someone should pay us something for it!

      I heard about the bobble head for the little mascot a week or 2 ago. That’s one lucky little guy! From street dog to celebrity!

    1. And this particular newsletter left out stories that should have been in newsletters, if I had the time to write them down!

  2. You know what happen with the Chihuahua stuff…my Samson left and they all went crazy, smile. I want to send his ashes to Sisu Beads but I’m too afraid to let go yet. Silly, I know.

    1. Sisu beads only needs a tiny spoonful – they sent me an envelope with what looked like a gelato spoon. It is only a very small amount of ash they need, and what they don’t need, they return to you. No worries that you are sending all of Sampson’s ashes. Even I wouldn’t do that!

      Honestly, I think you might actually be a person who needs Sisu. I don’t mean that in a bad way, and I’m not a paid sales person either.

      We had to go embarrassingly cheap with Maude’s bead (we got the Inspirational Memorial bead). Our only regret was that we didn’t have more money to have Sisu do something better. That being said, the bead we do have is very precious to us, and oh yes, if I get hit by a truck, Crabby knows to cremate it with me!

  3. It’s almost like some years ago when the New South Wales Government labeled the Maltese as a ” Dangerous Dog” I must see if I can find the article again :o)

  4. I always enjoy your updates! We will strike the now forbidden “r-word” from our home and hearts as well. As you pointed out, simply stating ‘the other left’ works just as well if not actually better anyways. Fascinating stuff about the North/South axis theory. It reminds me of the video of that little arctic fox hunting for mice under the ice; he only ever caught one when he was facing the north pole…. i think.

    1. We have one study for polar alignment and one for polar shift. I think you have a sufficient number of test subjects to help settle the matter. Please publish the quantitative analysis as to the excretory alignment of The Lonely Dogs after you have secured the appropriate data 🙂

      Hector gives a tail wag to your solidarity!

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