For those who read the last Run A Muck Ranch News Bulletin, I made claim that my Sweet William, nemesis to The Crabby Man, a hard-core Steelers fan, could salvage the current NFL season for the team, if only Crabby would rub his head for luck.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, and today, Crabby did indeed give, albeit grudgingly, a scritch atop Willy’s head just before the game started. However, it was only a finger tip scritch, and the more meaningful palm-to-head rub didn’t occur. Still, at half time, for the first time in the season, the Steelers lead. The score was 9 to 6, close enough for the Jets to make a come back.
When half-time arrived, I implored Crabby to give a more meaningful and sincere rub, palm touching head, to Willy to secure the game win. Again, with the same reluctance, but with full palm contact, Crabby rubbed Willy’s head.
There were many season firsts for the Steelers that second half, most importantly, a win with a score of 19-6.
After all this, including the 10 points Willy got for the Steelers in the Cleveland game as described in the News Bulletin, Crabby remains unconvinced of Willy’s magical powers.
Rather than punish the entire Steelers Nation for Crabby’s pride (refusing to submit to the power of Willy), Willy has agreed to accept head rubs by proxy in order to secure Steelers’ wins, in exchange for his most favorite toy in the world; the Dodo Bird.
The fee structure for future Steelers’ wins is as follows:
1 Dodo Bird per regular season game win request
2 Dodo Birds from 5 (five) separate individuals to insure a spot in the playoffs (payable any time during the season).
4 Dodo birds for a play off series win.
6 Dodo Birds to get into the Super Bowl
10 Dodo Birds for a Super Bowl win.
All payments must be presented as the season progresses. In other words, sending 6 Dodo Birds now will not guarantee a spot in the Super Bowl. Said payment would have to be received during the playoffs to be properly applied. The only exception to the rule is the 5 (five) separate individuals sending 2 Dodo Birds each to get the Steelers into the playoffs. Willy feels that’s just too much love to ignore.
For anyone that would like to see Willy in Steelers’ attire, he weighs 54 pounds. Your good luck charm should be properly clothed after all, right?
Please send payment to: WIlliam Achmed Goodhart, PO Box 8128, Cave Creek, AZ 85327.
William is waiting to see just how badly the Steelers Nation wants its team to win.