Two Princes

After posting Crazy Dog Lady, Why is William Medicated?, and mentioning the ongoing battle between Crabby and Willy, I thought I should get this one up as soon as possible to allay any fears that Willy and Crabby stalk each other around The Ranch, armed to the teeth, trying to do each other in.

The Crabby Man

William Achmed


Yes, there is a constant battle, but no, not in the way that you think.  Let me give you some examples:

There I am, sitting on the couch with Crabby and Willy decides he wants to sit with me too.   Crabby stretches out  so there’s no room for Willy.  Crabby then looks at Willy and laughs maniacally.  Willy is not pleased.

Now let’s flip this situation:  Willy and I are sitting on the couch and Crabby wants to join us. In this instance, Willy stretches out, leaving no room for  Crabby to sit.  Willy’s expression becomes a wide toothy grin as he looks at Crabby with knowing satisfaction.  Crabby then reminds me he has a paying job but Willy doesn’t.

In either case, the one who does not gain access to the couch looks at me in disbelief that I did not push the other off in favor of the one denied.  In either case, if the one on the couch should get up for any reason, the other immediately takes up all available space so the one who left has no room on the couch to return to.

Willy is still young and nimble.
Willy is still young and nimble.

Let’s now look at the situation where both Crabby and Willy are already on the couch and I join them.  The game is then played one of two ways:

1.  Crabby becomes uncharacteristically affectionate, holding me close, while flashing Willy a look of triumph; or

2.  Willy will position himself in my lap in such a way that Crabby can’t hold me, and in this case, it is Willy giving the “Take that!” look to Crabby.

This is the life I live.  There are no shouts, no fights, no aggression, just two men in competition, and I am the prize – at least I think I am.   As I have said in the past, for the first time in my life, I have men fighting over me.  Bummer is, it’s my husband and my dog.

Crabby's back giving him trouble again.  He's just getting old!
Crabby’s back giving him trouble again. He’s just getting old!

What if there came a day where I had to make a choice?  How would I choose?

Thing about Crabby and WIlly is they are so very much alike:

Both are pig headed, stubborn and opinionated.

There is only one way to do things, and it’s the way Crabby, or Willy, does it.

Both prefer a neat, orderly life, lead on a schedule.

Neither has ever been wrong a day in his life.

Crabby will not hesitate to look twice a pretty girl.  The first and only time I went away, Willy cheated on me, sitting in the lap of the babysitter.

Both feel that they should rest in high traffic areas (Crabby on the couch, remote control protectively secured, Willy in the doorway to the office) and everyone else should remain quiet so as not to disturb their repose.

A slight cold will have Crabby in his death throws, on the couch.  Accidentally bump Willy and he will shriek as if he’s being skinned alive.  In other words, they’re both kind of melodramatic.

If either gets an insect in his posterior, it can take days before his mood changes.

Crabby is prone to stress.
Crabby is prone to stress.
As does Willy.
As is Willy.

But there are some differences as well.

Crabby has pretty eyes.  Willy has liquid pools of pure devotion.

When I speak, all Crabby hears is “Blah, Blah, Blah”.  When I speak, Willy can’t comprehend a word I say, however, he hangs on to every word, clearly and desperately trying to understand.

When I come home, Crabby greets me with a “Hey.”.   When I come home Willy sings a “Roo Roo!” song for me.

If we get into an argument, sometimes, and without admitting any wrong on his part, Willy will apologize.  Crabby believes apologies are for people in the wrong.

Crabby will protect me against all evil, provided said evil does not come bearing scales or more than 4 legs.  Willy will protect me against all evil, provided it is in a level area, with clear sight distances, so he can find me (see The Myth Buster of Run A Muck Ranch to understand that part).

Crabby will defend the necessity that all movies should contain scantily dressed girls.  When Willy cheated on me with the babysitter, he threw up from the guilt.

Crabby can make fire.
Crabby can make fire.
Willy can provide heat when he cuddles.
Willy can provide heat when he cuddles.

Who would you choose if forced to pick between the two?


18 thoughts on “Two Princes

  1. whom would you pick?? refer to the end of paragraph 4, and I quote, “Crabby has a paying job and Willy does not”. I think the answer is right there, and my eyes are stunningly hypnotic, so there Willy.

  2. I had envisioned a sort of ” Gunfight at the OK Corral” My first choice is the dog (sorry Crabby) but, well he does have a paying job, and that definitely helps, so Crabby it is ( Sorry William!)

  3. The solution is simple. Find another male and pay attention to him. Both Willy and Crabby will want you back (we hope) and they’d be willing to share (we hope).

    1. Nice to know he reads the blog! Just hoped he wouldn’t see this one…

      The menfolk are watching the game together as we speak.

    1. If it makes you feel any better, I have to make the same statement to each of them and hope the other doesn’t hear 🙂

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