After posting Crazy Dog Lady, Why is William Medicated?, and mentioning the ongoing battle between Crabby and Willy, I thought I should get this one up as soon as possible to allay any fears that Willy and Crabby stalk each other around The Ranch, armed to the teeth, trying to do each other in.
Yes, there is a constant battle, but no, not in the way that you think. Let me give you some examples:
There I am, sitting on the couch with Crabby and Willy decides he wants to sit with me too. Crabby stretches out so there’s no room for Willy. Crabby then looks at Willy and laughs maniacally. Willy is not pleased.
Now let’s flip this situation: Willy and I are sitting on the couch and Crabby wants to join us. In this instance, Willy stretches out, leaving no room for Crabby to sit. Willy’s expression becomes a wide toothy grin as he looks at Crabby with knowing satisfaction. Crabby then reminds me he has a paying job but Willy doesn’t.
In either case, the one who does not gain access to the couch looks at me in disbelief that I did not push the other off in favor of the one denied. In either case, if the one on the couch should get up for any reason, the other immediately takes up all available space so the one who left has no room on the couch to return to.
Let’s now look at the situation where both Crabby and Willy are already on the couch and I join them. The game is then played one of two ways:
1. Crabby becomes uncharacteristically affectionate, holding me close, while flashing Willy a look of triumph; or
2. Willy will position himself in my lap in such a way that Crabby can’t hold me, and in this case, it is Willy giving the “Take that!” look to Crabby.
This is the life I live. There are no shouts, no fights, no aggression, just two men in competition, and I am the prize – at least I think I am. As I have said in the past, for the first time in my life, I have men fighting over me. Bummer is, it’s my husband and my dog.
What if there came a day where I had to make a choice? How would I choose?
Thing about Crabby and WIlly is they are so very much alike:
Both are pig headed, stubborn and opinionated.
There is only one way to do things, and it’s the way Crabby, or Willy, does it.
Both prefer a neat, orderly life, lead on a schedule.
Neither has ever been wrong a day in his life.
Crabby will not hesitate to look twice a pretty girl. The first and only time I went away, Willy cheated on me, sitting in the lap of the babysitter.
Both feel that they should rest in high traffic areas (Crabby on the couch, remote control protectively secured, Willy in the doorway to the office) and everyone else should remain quiet so as not to disturb their repose.
A slight cold will have Crabby in his death throws, on the couch. Accidentally bump Willy and he will shriek as if he’s being skinned alive. In other words, they’re both kind of melodramatic.
If either gets an insect in his posterior, it can take days before his mood changes.
But there are some differences as well.
Crabby has pretty eyes. Willy has liquid pools of pure devotion.
When I speak, all Crabby hears is “Blah, Blah, Blah”. When I speak, Willy can’t comprehend a word I say, however, he hangs on to every word, clearly and desperately trying to understand.
When I come home, Crabby greets me with a “Hey.”. When I come home Willy sings a “Roo Roo!” song for me.
If we get into an argument, sometimes, and without admitting any wrong on his part, Willy will apologize. Crabby believes apologies are for people in the wrong.
Crabby will protect me against all evil, provided said evil does not come bearing scales or more than 4 legs. Willy will protect me against all evil, provided it is in a level area, with clear sight distances, so he can find me (see The Myth Buster of Run A Muck Ranch to understand that part).
Crabby will defend the necessity that all movies should contain scantily dressed girls. When Willy cheated on me with the babysitter, he threw up from the guilt.
Who would you choose if forced to pick between the two?