Run A Muck Ranch News Bulletin 7/22/13

Run A Muck Ranch Seeking Bids To Build A Willy Ball

If one were to properly do the math on all incidents involving Sweet William, it would be thus:

1.  He was already covered in scars when he arrived at Run A Muck Ranch, indicating a history of injuries;

2.  Despite all efforts and precautions, William has been kicked several times by Charlie for sure, and possibly Hal on one or more occasions.  Though he has gotten hurt in most encounters, William CONTINUES to break through all barriers to get at the horses, often resulting in injuries, albeit, most are minor.

3.  On one occasion, William tried to jump over something, got his hind leg caught, and pulled a muscle.

4.  On another occasion, Crazy came home from work and found William with broken teeth and other facial trauma with no indications that any altercations had occurred in the house that day.

5.  When receiving treatment for #4, pre-existing (prior to coming to the US) and improperly treated dental trauma was discovered that required additional treatment after the problems in #4 were healed.

Looking at him (and do you notice a trend in his sleeping position when he lays on the floor?) you wouldn't know Willy is a train wreck!
Looking at him you wouldn’t know Willy is a train wreck!

6.  On one occasion, Willy jumped off the bed and injured his front leg.

7.  William became bottom dog on the Run A Muck Ranch totem pole recently when the first recorded dog fight occurred.  William could not pass through airport security after that point due to the countless staples required to close his wounds.

Combined, none of the other kids at Run A Muck Ranch, past and present, foster or permanent, have ever suffered as many injuries as William has in only 14 months.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, at his re-check to have his staples removed, related to #7 above, an ear infection was discovered.

Run A Muck Ranch has no other choice than to procure for William, a Willy sized hamster ball, lined with bubble wrap, to protect him from himself and others.

Please send bids and specs for constructing The Willy Ball to Run A Muck Ranch.

In a related story:  The attempt to wean William from his Fluoxetine (Prozac) failed.  Though the dosage is reduced, he appears to be a lifer.

The Mystery of Mortimer’s Perpetual Tape Worm has been Solved!

Worms in either the horses or dogs have never been a problem at Run A Muck Ranch, until Mortimer arrived.

Despite near monthly treatments, both at home and by the vet, Mortimer always seems to have tapeworms.   That like clockwork, every 30 to 45 days, yet more tapeworms appear, has proven quite frustrating to all.

The answer to the mystery has finally been solved:

One evening, while filling the water for Charlie and Hal, Crazy happened to be observing a little bird flying across the yard, when suddenly and without warning, in a manner similar to a shark, Morty leapt straight up, jaws open, captured the bird and swallowed the poor thing before he even hit the ground.   The incident was so sudden, and so smooth, it is more than apparent Mortimer has been doing this professionally for some time.

The face of a murderer.
The face of a murderer.

If anyone has ANY IDEA how to discourage a dog from capturing and eating birds from the air, PLEASE SHARE! It’s not just an issue of the tape worms Morty is getting from the birds, it’s more an issue that Morty is killing birds.  Run A Muck Ranch kids are well fed, they shouldn’t be killing innocent wildlife.

Marcy Still Feral, But with Caveats

Marcy remains feral, despite her time spent at Run A Muck Ranch.  However, she has now become more a Boutique feral:

While she continues to avoid human contact if at all possible, Marcy  simply can no longer live without air conditioning, dog beds, dog toys, play pools and regular meals.   Inclimate temperatures, the inability to get muddy and the need to imagine a stick is more than a stick are no longer on Marcy’s   acceptable list of Life’s Trade Offs.   How she lived without ice cream in her previous life remains a mystery both to Marcy and the humans at Run A Muck Ranch.

Even the flash of a camera can't move Marcy from a comfy spot.
Even the flash of a camera can’t move Marcy from a comfy spot.

Oddly enough, though people are not always welcome in Marcy’s personal space, she is first in line to enthusiastically greet the humans at Run A Muck Ranch when they return home from work.  She wouldn’t dream of sleeping anywhere else than the people bed, even if there are people on it.  Additionally, she has become quite frequent in her attacks of renegade fingers and toes and her guerilla ambushes of Crazy’s butt.

Marcy may never be normal, but she will always be a character!

Maude Having Difficulties with Back End

Within a couple hours this evening, Maude went from limping on her left hind leg to being unable to bear weight on it.  Tramadol was administered, with no effect.

Massaging of the affected leg and hip shows no pain response.

Maude is acting fine otherwise.

An appointment will be made in the morning to get her checked out by a veterinarian.

Please send good thoughts to the Queen of Run A Muck Ranch that this is just a fluke.

The Queen of Run A Muck Ranch.  She will be 14 in November.
The Queen of Run A Muck Ranch. She will be 14 in November.

In a related story:  Assuming Maude is back to 100%, she will accompany Crabby on a camping trip to The Rim Country this weekend.  If not, she will go with Crabby and Crazy on their (Gasp!) weekend away in August.

Crabby and Crazy to do the Unthinkable:  They Will, Together, Leave Run A Muck Ranch for a Weekend in August!

The last ‘vacation’ Crabby and Crazy have taken was in 1996, when they were married.

A few years later, they left for 2 days for an out-of-state funeral.

Maude was just a young lass when Crabby and Crazy took an overnight trip ‘up north’.

3 years ago, Crabby and Crazy left The Ranch for an overnight stay to attend a wedding.

On the weekend of August 23, 2013, Crabby and Crazy will once again leave The Ranch, together, for a camping trip.

Hell has indeed frozen over!


In order to keep Crazy somewhat sane, either Maude, if she is able, or Mortimer and Slugger will accompany the Run A Muck Ranch humans on the excursion.

Franky and Gracie will stay at a Rental Dog home for the weekend.

The remaining kids will stay at The Ranch to test the patience of a  babysitter.

Facebook users,’ Like’ Crabby Man’s Serenity Hikes to follow the adventures of The Crabby Man and his trusty dog Morty on their excursions in the wilderness.

In a related story:  Crabby will start sneaking sedatives into Crazy’s food a week before the planned trip.

Rain at Run A Muck Ranch!

It finally rained!  Our crops are saved!

It didn’t just rain, it rained volumes of biblical proportions, plenty enough to fill the water holes at the beloved Half Pipes.

As is customary, when the water holes are full, The Idiots are taken over to play.  Willy would have gone if not for his ear infection.  Marcy, the Apprentice Idiot, did go.

The following pics are teasers of the video to come:



DSC_8744 DSC_8769


The kids smell really bad.  The Waggin’ Wagon is trashed.  There is mud all over the house.

But the kids had a great time.

It’s all about priorities.


16 thoughts on “Run A Muck Ranch News Bulletin 7/22/13

    1. Subject to change dependent on whether Crabby will leave Maude with a babysitter. New developments on her front.

    1. The ONLY, and I wouldn’t call it a saving grace, but a, well, heck it isn’t even that. I guess all I can say is at least Morty leaves no part of the bird. Not so much as a feather. He swallowed that little bird whole before his paws were even back on the ground. We don’t have what you have – the victims left anywhere in the house.

      Does Easy catch them in the air or is he a ‘normal’ dog that catches things on the ground?

      1. mostly he catches them in the air – but he is also able to bring a whole nest down. he always lugs and joggles on the branches till he gets the birds nest. the bad thing is, he eats parts of the nest, including poop, eggshells and …. birds.

    1. Thanks for the sentiments. Too many kids to cry, so all that is left to do is sigh heavily and find reasons to laugh 🙂

  1. william sounds like a person we used to know. We referred to her as ” A mobile disaster looking for a place to happen” ;o) Morty – I have never heard of a dog doing this – cats yes, but never a dog. Might try a Frisbee.. Enjoy your break – you need one I think….

    1. I was just trying to imagine which of the little ones would eat pieces of the shredded Frisbee, causing a blockage. That being said, I like the “shock bird” idea to break Morty of the habit…

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